beach*] l o v e

8.28.2005

argh!!! i cant stand it! i hate this shit!! why do i feel this way?? and why of ALL ppl, it must be ME? it's impossible.

i dun think i am.

or at least. i hope. i'm not.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Sunday, August 28, 2005

damn disappointed.

wif myself.

fuck.

=(

[flashes of your shadow]
at Sunday, August 28, 2005

why am i feeling this way?

i dun understand.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Sunday, August 28, 2005

8.26.2005

yay! we won zany!! wif 2/6. gosh! so damn unbelieveable! whee!!!!! we wore black tops and skirts and ties and headbands. and strips of cloth all over. and mine flew away when we were playing at the beach. a little caucasian kid picked it up and played wif it. lol. gosh. still cant believe we won.. so all those staying backs for recess and after school, meeting ups were not wasted. yay!! we din think dat we would win. haha. but we did! yay!

we went to joce hse after sch ytd to do the last minute stuffs( which we din even use.). when i came out of the studio after dance, i saw nic joce joan running to me and were damn frantic. they were lyk, "sorry steph.. we made a damn big mistake. we did smt very very bad. sorry...." so i went to see wad happened. they had bought 40 damn hideous hats. horrendous. ew. i was shocked when i saw them. damn shocked. they decided to go to joce hse to paint and make them nicer. went to the swings. den we showed dahlia grace tan ally the hats. grace and dah came to joce's hse too. ordered pizza. eeps. on d way there, i as lyk thinking how impossible it was to actually make them nice overnight. it would be a miricle. we promised each other not to play and slack ard. nic made me promise not to dance and made joan promise not to read mags(which is wad she whole day whole life does when we stay back for whatever). but i was slacking away. den i decided to help! got a pair of scissors and cut up hats into masks. haha. left at 9.10. freaking late rite!!!! i was damn bloody freaked out!!! wanted to call cab but joan said it was dangerous. decided to just take bus home. i waited damn long for d 76. but 70 came instead. so i took that. i had a pointy cap, a loooong pair of scissors in the bag i was carrying. planned to stab anyone who dared to come near. hahaha. i was so scared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!=((( it was my first time i stayed after school until so damn bloody late!! only reached home at 10.15??? damn bloody dark. but the damn bus was so crowded. couldnt get a seat so i stood. talked to joan d whole way. haha! until i reached home. hee. was talking abt random stuff. haha.

went to parkway after sch todae to get bangles and earrings and shades and thick hair bands. only managed to get earrings. from mini toons. and normal hairbands from chameleon or smt. den rushed to east coast. dressed up and prepared and things lyk that. God! i was bloody nervous. i fucking messed up during the performance. fuck! =(((( the oomph ahh part. dammit fuck fuck. but at least we still won. yay! =))

went back to parkway. joan needed to go for dinner so i was just me joce nic. ate, walked ard, left. missed a 76. so we waited and waited. oh! and percy pig finally came back in stock! got to eat it. yay!

the bus ride was scary. =( gosh. so bloody empty. so diff from ytd.was freaked out. again. talked to joce until home. whee! so it lessened my fear. a little. heh.

damn bloody beat now. it was a long week. now dat zany's over, i can put my mind to studying. good!=)

[flashes of your shadow]
at Friday, August 26, 2005

8.23.2005

huh. my maid just woke me up cos i crashed on the sofa after talking to joce. i was already trying to ignore tasha sniffing my hand then when i slept she woke me up saying that if i slp now later i cant slp den tmr it's hard for me to get up. argh. wad shit la. was damn inactive just now on the fone. hahahaha. poor joceffi. talking to herself. and trying to whistle. but i was damn tired la. i might be going to turn in early tonight.. =))

[flashes of your shadow]
at Tuesday, August 23, 2005

argh i'm so damn pissed off and sick and tired of everything so just

LEAVE

ME

ALONE!

[flashes of your shadow]
at Tuesday, August 23, 2005

8.22.2005

c'mon tears!

fall! fall! fall!

drip! drip! drip!

you'll make me feel better.

cos i cant feel any worse now.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Monday, August 22, 2005

ponned dance. to do zany. feel so bad. =(

we(me dahlia joan joce nic) finished up first banner and completed second. i think dahlia did the second one all on her own. the first one is reeeeeeeeeeaaaaallllii nice. yayy!!!!! joan and nic painted the background black while me and dah choreographed the steps. er. i think dah choreographed. i just sat there. and laughed. and she walked out on me so many times k!!!! =((( cos she thinks i was luffin at her. actually, i just cant imagine the class doing all those steps. ahahahaha. damn funny. at least. to me. lol. she kept asking wad it means if i luffed the heeheehee way. haha!! hopefully tmr jana can help me choreo. hopefully. will you, janaffi??? haha.

at the beginning part i was damn sad cos my maid told me i got no letter. when will they ever send??? kns. =((

but i helped drawing the polka dots on the first banner. whee! i think it rawks! damn fucking nice!!! dah and joan pinned both the banners at the back of the class. we left at... 6.45? wahlao. and the damn 76 take so long to come. waited for...15 mins?? haha. when i reached home it was damn bloody dark. thank God i brought keys. if not cant open my gate den i stuck outside my condo i'll die. of fear.

i was kinda sad. just now. so i was reading and eating dinner. den joce called me. haha. her bubbly voice makes me luff. can imagine her head at sims ville talking to me. her head is so huggable!!!!!!!!! whee!!!!!!!!!!!!!

during math i was damn sad cos my results so low. i wont do well this yr la. results for ca are lyk shit can!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!! felt lyk crying. cos i was so dissapointed in myself. seriously. i slacked lyk shit this yr. i'm deproving lyk shit. fuckkit!!! but jana and joan talked to me and stuff so i felt better. and joce let me hug her head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whee!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she was kinda reluctant but she still let me hug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay!!! haha. me and her are being so retarded lately. lyk staring at each other lyk we were lovers. ahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!! biggest joke of the century man. lol!

i'm gonna try to think of steps now. tata!

[flashes of your shadow]
at Monday, August 22, 2005

8.21.2005

the past two days were realli busy. haha. wif zany.

[ytd]
went to nic's hse. dah had amazing race in the morn so we went to tm to collect nic's fone and get stuff for iap. went to century square cos someone told me there is a party shop. so me and joce went to search for it but dun haf. so i called tiqah to ask for nazzy's number cos i think nazzy was the one who told me century square had party shop. but couldnt reach nazzy. and tiqah says she think dun haf. huh. so walked back to tm. went to ntuc to buy snacks for later and party stuff. bought balloons. they're so cute!!!! their bunnies!! wif EARS!!! lol. bought 15. din get to buy sticks tho. cos in one pack there is 10 onli. nazzy told me to expect 15 guests. den wad i do wif the extra 5? so i just bought the bunny rabbits. den i realized i did not brg enough cash out.so i couldnt help tiqah buy. sorry tiqah!!! =(( den i paid up and went to Mcs to sit. we blew those balloons there. haha. but some assholes were staring at us cos we took their friends seat. huh. who ask them come so late?? my fault ah? so we left. fuckkums. we went to fox. spent quite sometime there. heh. den went to tanah merah to meet dahlia. we took a bus to nic's hse.

waited for dahlia to draw the banner before we could paint it. i met lao shi there!!! and i just saw her at my hse. lol. talked a lotta crap la. oh! and i got thousand and one mosquito bites!!! kns! so i put on repellant. i was d onli one k. if gen was there she'd put wif me. hmph. den we realized nic's room has two mirrors facing each other and we talked abt beliefs and superstitions and religions and stuff. heh. den mummy and daddy picked me up. i told them abt my plan. they were sad and disappointed in me. i felt so bad. so selfish. =((

[todae]
went for a run when i woke up. wif tasha. she's so ass k. dun wanna run. i had to drag her d whole way. wahlao. den went home and ate my brunch and did some studying. damn little. gosh!! i'm so slack!! finals are just 4 weeks away!!! wad haf i been up to??? argh!!! den bathe and met the rest up ps in spotlight. to do costume. ended up not doing much. just bought one roti prata man skirt. damn. how??? den went for lunch. since i'd already had mine, i just drank a cup of peach tea. den we went back to spotlight. haha. we did smt VERY VERY BAD there. hahahaha. gosh. dahlia's idea. and me and joce kept staring at each other. lame!!! hahaha. she's scary when she stare. reminds me of...skeleton. ahahahahahaha!!!!! she looks possessed. freaky. haha. a few rounds. i won two times. she won once. cos i was distracted. forget by wad. haha. and joan started being weird and singing christmas carols. gosh!! lol. den we left. i had to go for yoga. so i left first. the rest went to mcs i think. nic told me dat at mcs and starbucks, she had to kp footing the bill. hahaha. poor darling. i told her i'd give her a hug tmr. she said she'll hug me back! yay! haha.

went to eat a a jap restaurant wif daddy and bro. mummy din come. i ate so freaking much!!!!

feel so fat now. sheesh.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Sunday, August 21, 2005

8.19.2005

damn pissed off todae. talked to joan on d fone just now. =(

i used to care. i used to cry.

but i dun anymore.

i thot you, of all ppl would understand.

appearantly you dun.

so, fine.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Friday, August 19, 2005

8.15.2005

anyone has any frigging idea how much singapore sucks?

i noe i do.

i cant stand it here. the stress, the pain, the sufferings... it's all weighing me down. DOWN DOWN DOWN d frigging drain. God. help me. cant take this shit no more. realli at my WITS END! this is total crap. why d FUCK must i be borned here? why didnt mummy agree to daddy and let me be borned in australia? den i could be an aussie. or anything. but not a singaporean. i dun understand. EVERYTHING seems to go against me. realli realli feel lyk giving up and go lie in one corner and rot. den dat could end EVERYTHING. whee! seriously on the verge of losing hope and faith and everything else.

i'm supposed to appreciate. i'm supposed to be grateful. being appreciative and grateful stinks! why must i always supposed do stuff i dun wanna do, feel stuff i dun wanna feel? i hate singapore to the core, and nothing and no one can make me change my mind.

cos it sucks here. period.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Monday, August 15, 2005

8.13.2005

went to dahlia's hse just now.. to discuss zany parade. i woke up at lyk..6.30??? my maid woke me up. so early. huh. so i got outta bed and did my hair and stuff. den i was rushing lyk shit cos i thot i'll be damn bloody late. i was running all over my hse to borrow my mum's choker and find my shorts. decided to wear a skirt den change there. fuck! my frigging skirt was see thru!!! kns! somemore i just had to wear a hot pink thong. perfect. just damn perfect. and my bra was being weird this morning!!!! took so long just to adjust it. den i told miah to pack some cookies and give it to me. i ate on d bus. it was so empty! woots! i love empty buses. not too empty tho. heh. den on d bus i just realized how frigging early i was. i was smsing joce and nic and joan to hurry them. i waited at school bus-stop for..15 mins?? got so many fucking starers. wanna scourge out their eyeballs man. irritated lyk hell. stare wad stare? joan also had her fair share of starers. a cleaner was staring too...lol!!! den we took 10 to dahlia's stop. met nic there and we tried to find our way to dahlia's hse. hahaha.got lost. haha. and got so many dogs. joan was clutching my hand so tight can!!! she was damn freaked out. haha. poor lil'joanffi. so cute. we gave up finally and got joce to call dahlia. she called and we finally got there. heh.

we went up to her room and crapped so much. haha. we were lyk talking abt random stuffs. and me and joan said we cant stand dat cheena euu and moii and luvv and whatever double ii and double uu and double vv irrtating shit. gross gross gross. eww, eww, eww. and dahlia kept saying dat this ---> -______________-" is so cute. lol. me and joan cant stand it. it looks... retarded. sry la. haha. we talked abt d costume and stuff. and d song and cheer. den thot of some steps. heh. damn shit. nic wanted to cycle in as entrance. wad shit la!!! lol! den we cooked our own lunch. mee goreng i think. it's instant. we saw blackie and joan was damn damn damn terrified of it. she called it barkie cos it barks. haha. den to her all dogs in d world can be named barkie la! hahaha!gotta feeling she's scared of all doggies. she's afraid of my puny lil' tasha! kept saying tasha's weird. whatever k. heh. and we sorta messed up d stove area. noodles, seasoning, soya sauce spilt all over. haha. den we put everything in a huge frying pan. haha. den we watched ndp and ate. haha. and me and nic wanna get outta this damn country. cant take it anymore. hate MOE so much. cas and assessments every week. finished one, another comes along. wad shit. but #1: no cash #2: no lodging #3: no passport. hmph. this is so damn crap. but i want to badly. to either australia or america. i dun mind both cos i love both. =) den joce gotta go for tuition. we tried to make her not go but she still went in d end..=(

we went back up to dahlia's room. talk and talk and talk some more. abt d most random stuffs .den dahlia was lyk, ok! from now onwards, we'll discuss abt zany and not get distrcted. lol. onli happened for wad? 15 mins? haha. den we talk and talk and talk more. i put d damn nice purple cloth on my leg and started rubbing against it cos it felt so nice. dahlia kept saying i was masturbating. ??! wth la. and she keeps calling me leong. izzit damn nice to call ppl by their last name??? haha. i dun think so. ah foo. haha. ah tham ah wong ah tay!!!!!!! hahahahahaha!!!! den we were saying how nice it'd be if we haf middle names and nice nice caucasianish last names. =)) dat'll be so damn cool. no more leong. haha. den joan and dahia and nic and me were sharing experiences wif our parents and brothers. haha. joan is super mean to her brothers la. haha. so unfair. whole day whole life get her way... unfair man. if only i'm dat lucky.. oh! den we thot of super crappy slogans for our banner. and we gossiped lyk crazy. haha! joan thot of one for d banner dat was damn funny and cheena and we luffed lyk hell. lol! haha! we left ard...5? cos i needed to go home so i could bathe and dress and go for dinner. haha. and mummy rebonded her hair AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!! SO FREAKING UNFAIR CAN!!!!!! I ALSO WANT!!!!!!!!!!

anyways. on d way back to school, joanffi and me were talking and crapping. shared some experiences abt dolls. freakified. haha. den i changed to 76 to go home took a quick bathe before going. and came back. so damn fast. heh.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Saturday, August 13, 2005

8.11.2005

was over-reacting just now. i'm fine now.=)))

thanks joanffi... ilu loads and loads and loads and loads too!!!!!!<333
thanks so much....

yay! now dat everything's fine, i can get on wif my life.
whee!!!!!!!!!

=)))))))))))))))))))

so damn happi!

[flashes of your shadow]
at Thursday, August 11, 2005

sick. and tired. of everything.

fuck d hell outta here.

leave me alone.

hate my life.

p.s. can we pls frigging go??? all along you gguys want me and joce to go and i haf no guts to do it but now i haf, you dun wanna go anymore????? ARGH!!!! wad's this shit??? can we just GO??????????????

[flashes of your shadow]
at Thursday, August 11, 2005

8.08.2005

hi! just finished bathing. whee! i feel so clean! washed my face twice in the shower cos i dun wanna haf pimples. haha!

went to orchard after school(which ended at 10.30?). we cabbed there cos we dun wanna take the bus and mrt. haha! we were debating whether to watch charlie and the chocolate factory, bewitched or wedding crashers. finally decided to watch d last one. we asked a couple to buy the tix for us. d4en we walked ard and stuff. there were so many ppl and it was freaking crowded so i got damn annoyed. we din noe wad to eat cos EVERY-FREAKING-WHERE was crowded. i'm serious. there were no seats at all. everywhere. God!

finally decided to buy popcorns and nachos and drinks and we sat while waiting for d movie to start. d sign came on dat we could enter the theatre. so we headed to d entrance. there were two guys standing there. i walked up to him and presented the tickets. he tore half and gave it to me. den the other guy asked either joan, nic or joce whether she was 16. den d guy who was handing me the ticket lyk, held it there, waiting for me to answer as well. i nodded and looked irritated. den he gave it to me and we all entered. yayy!!!! haha.

before the movie, they screened a couple of previews. when they were showing the maid, joan lyk, started whimpering. hahaha! there were a few assholes who shrieked and scream. wth. got damn annoyed. haha! i think wedding crashers's kinda nice. haha. me and joan were damn impatient waiting for the juicy scenes. dun freaking haf. huh. boring. there were a lotta fucks, tho. but wad d hell la.

after dat we walked ard. damn boring. ran into my pri school fren at converse. and i saw i new sports bra dat i want in nike. hee hee. den we walked to wisma. boring. den we walked to pacific plaza. also boring. wth la. singapore sucks. i din buy anything. at all. hmph!!!! wanted to get a black cap sleeved at topshop but 6 is too small and 10 is too big. dammit! and d spagetti is lyk super ultra long it can cover my underwear la! huh.

den went to shaw to eat den leave.

wad a damn boring day. seriously think singapore sucks. and my earlobes aching lyk hell cos of my earrings. i think i move my ears too much la.

[flashes of your shadow]
at Monday, August 08, 2005

8.06.2005

i'm kinda happi todae...chatting wif gen now.. talking abt bras. haha!

anyways. went for njc interview todae. it went alriiight.. onli.4 ,male interviewers. you noe how scary??? sheesh. haha. it was kinda fast. d seniors there are nice. hee.

after dat, waited for mummy to pick me. den we went to great world city to eat tea- break and i cut my hair!finally!!!! hahaha. and d asshole salon idiot was insulting my hair!! stupid gay freak. but anyways.. i'm liking it.. haha!i haf fringe! not a lot, but it's still there. haha!

den i went to triumph while mummy went to see workout outfits. she bought two slacks. it's kinda nice.. yay! and d best part is, i can wear them too! whee!

den went to paragon. mummy went to collect her shoes while i went to roxy. nth nice there. huh.den went to the skipping girl shop or smt. stuff there is nice man. wanted to buy a halter. but it doent realli suit me. plus it's damn big. den met daddy and bro den went for dinner. at d jap restaurant. den mummy said my hairband looked damn cheapo(it's from minitoons.) so she said she'll brg me to metro to get nice ones.yay! i din want daddy and bro to come so they went to toys r us den go home while me and mummy went to metro. on d way we stepped into nike. i FINALLY got the halter bra. finally k. waited lyk dunno how long la. one month? haha! but it's white, not black. still. i lyk it so damn much!!!!!! whee!!!!! metro got no hairbands. wth. but went to bra compartment.went to triumph. omg!!! so happi!!! bot two bras there. one is d colourful hawaiian holiday. the other is all black 'cept for some black and orange rings on d strap. whee!!!!!!!!! so happi!!!omg! hahaha! so excited! hee. spent damn long tym there. den wanted to get some g-strings. d woman there wanted to measure my ass k. wtf. so bloody malu can!!!my mummy was luffing her frigging head off. wahlao. izzit dat nice to see your own daughter being so embarrssed????? sheesh. i bot d hot pink thong in d end. haha! it's damn cute. i also bot a black thong to match my black bra! yay! i'm so happi!!! haha!

den went home. on d way mummy was playing mariah carey's album. we turned the volume up so damn loud and we were singing "we belong together" at d top of our lungs! hahaha! it's so funni la. hahahahaha. so loud k.

haha.

*i miss ya...

[flashes of your shadow]
at Saturday, August 06, 2005